Recap: I’m probably definitely pretty scared of using the words I want to but either way I’m not cis.
I told someone else how I’m feeling. She’s cis and straight and I told her even though I knew she wouldn’t be able to relate because she’s one of the least judgmental people I know and I knew she would be okay with me either way. I was right. She was supportive and honest about her lack of understanding but asked all sorts of really great questions that made me feel even better about having told her.
Each day that passes makes me feel more comfortable about the way I feel but less comfortable about telling the people in my life. I know there are people who won’t understand and won’t support me. There are people who will act supportive but still judge me. I’m sure there are some who will continue to love me, but I’m terrified of telling them because I don’t know which people will be which way.
People so often only understand gender as a binary that trying to tell them about being nonbinary seems like it could end very badly. I can’t even tell my best friend, as much as I would love to. She is trying to be more supportive of LGBT people but in the end, her beliefs are deep and she clings to them very tightly. That’s not to say she wouldn’t want to be supportive of me, just that I think it would take her a long time to grasp all of this.
I’m still figuring it all out too. But I’m feeling better about the situation in general.